Sunday, July 30, 2006

heartache and happy birthdays

It's been a hell of a week. On Tuesday I began to miscarry, actually, it was probably a week before that the horrible process began, but on Tuesday my hopes for this baby to be in my arms were definitely lost. It really was awful, physically and emotionally. The physical pain has subsided, I am still sorting through the emotions. Sometimes I feel like I am really okay, and other times I actually feel very distant from the whole situation. There are also times when I feel like my body let me down, failed me and my baby. Mostly I just feel sad that I won't meet this little one and experience the joy I know that baby would have brought. She/he had already brought us so much happiness just in anticipation of meeting the little one. I do have peace in all this, though. Peace in knowing he or she is a child of God and we pray that our babe rests "where there is neither pain, grief, nor sighing but life everlasting." Memory eternal.
In the middle of all this, we've been celebrating our sweet John Henry's first year of life. I am more thankful than ever for him. He turned one on Friday but we had a party for him last Saturday. It was at a beautiful old park with enormous trees and a train that runs around it. It was a fun day, but it was also almost unbearably hot. 113 degrees!! The hottest day on record in San Diego. Sheesh. The kids didn't seem to mind, we kept everyone well hydrated and in the shade. I felt so bad for the adults. But Johnny had a great time, and boy, is that kid popular! I'll put up some party pictures soon and a one year update of my boy, so I can brag about all the cute and fun things he's up to these days.
God grant you many,many years, Johnny boy!