Sunday, July 30, 2006

heartache and happy birthdays

It's been a hell of a week. On Tuesday I began to miscarry, actually, it was probably a week before that the horrible process began, but on Tuesday my hopes for this baby to be in my arms were definitely lost. It really was awful, physically and emotionally. The physical pain has subsided, I am still sorting through the emotions. Sometimes I feel like I am really okay, and other times I actually feel very distant from the whole situation. There are also times when I feel like my body let me down, failed me and my baby. Mostly I just feel sad that I won't meet this little one and experience the joy I know that baby would have brought. She/he had already brought us so much happiness just in anticipation of meeting the little one. I do have peace in all this, though. Peace in knowing he or she is a child of God and we pray that our babe rests "where there is neither pain, grief, nor sighing but life everlasting." Memory eternal.
In the middle of all this, we've been celebrating our sweet John Henry's first year of life. I am more thankful than ever for him. He turned one on Friday but we had a party for him last Saturday. It was at a beautiful old park with enormous trees and a train that runs around it. It was a fun day, but it was also almost unbearably hot. 113 degrees!! The hottest day on record in San Diego. Sheesh. The kids didn't seem to mind, we kept everyone well hydrated and in the shade. I felt so bad for the adults. But Johnny had a great time, and boy, is that kid popular! I'll put up some party pictures soon and a one year update of my boy, so I can brag about all the cute and fun things he's up to these days.
God grant you many,many years, Johnny boy!


Elizabeth said...

Oh, Annie, I'm so sorry. I know this has to be a very hard time for you. Be easy on yourself, give yourself time to heal, and let yourself grieve.

Happy birthday to Johnny!

Anonymous said...

Annie, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I cannot imagine what you are going through, both physicall and emotionally, but you're in our prayers.

Johnny, so sorry we missed the party! Enjoy your second year and be nice to your padres!

Love anna m

David & Nicole said...

We are so sorry. We will be praying for you and Evan. May God have mercy and may your precious child's memory be eternal.

k&a-mo said...

I'm really sorry Annie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

We miss you guys.

Anonymous said...

Annie, I'm so sorry! I was really praying! Now I'm praying for peace and comfort for you and your family!

It was nice talking with you while I was in CA. I was wanting to talk again before I left. Next time we will have to get together!

Again, my prayers are with you, honey!

-Lisa Kelly (Taylor)

Xenia Kathryn said...

Very, very sorry to hear this, Annie.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Happy birthday to your sweet little Johnny!

In Christ,

Anonymous said...

My wife went through a miscarriage and it sucked to say the least (it sucked for me too). It was really hard and there was such little space to speak of it with others too because either they had not been through it or it just is a taboo thing to bring up sometimes. It was a hard time in life for the both of us, to be honest. So my heart goes out to you.

May your body know peace from the Maker himself and may your heart be full of joy in the midst of sorrow. You will get through this time. Keep talking about it.

There is hope again for kids too, as we have had another since the miscarriage.

Anonymous so as not to identify my wife.